(Originally published in Wild Sister Magazine January 2013 edition)

My muse tries to wake me from my creative slumber to experience the joys of her creative endeavors. “Oh no I can’t” I say, “I am too busy. Too busy to play, to have fun, to make art. I have a long list of things to do and art, well it’s not at the top dear muse”.

She frowns. Her stern eyes sending chills of disapproval through me. She wants me to create, to set aside my important tasks, to put it all on hold. I shudder and feel the worry set in. A thousand “what ifs” saturate my thoughts like spilt paint on thin paper. I can’t think, I can’t think!

“Don’t think,” she whispers

“You think too much. Take a break, an art break . . . It will help clear your mind,” she taunts.

I realize she is right I can’t get work done when bogged down by worries and woes. Then I see that what I perceived as disapproval was her disappointment in not having time or space to express.

I stop; pick up my paintbrush, hesitant to begin.  Still not completely convinced.

“Go on” she says, “do it. It’ll make you feel better.  Remember back to when you last painted, to when you last did art.”

I listen to her coaxing and allow my mind to wander off task.  I think back, visualizing the event, allowing the emotions to flow through me. I feel the excitement begin to tingle then rise buzzing through my body like an electrical current. I feel the joy emanate from my face as I recall that last time when I allowed myself to get lost in the joy of expression. Creating for me and no one else. I feel the connection to my inner child as I capture that same feeling I had as a small child finger painting.  I allow myself to get lost in the sheer joy of the freedom of expression, feeling the ecstatic abandonment of self to the process. I pick up my paintbrush and begin to dance. Pouring myself into the paint and letting it flow across the paper. I feel the joy. I am the joy.

At that moment my worries are released. What are they but chains that keep me tied up and immobile? My art frees me. Loosens me up. Opens the creative doors so that I may do the creative work that I do.

I often find myself in this dilemma of worries versus my muse’s calling. Sometimes I remain stuck, determined to plow though the to-do list until I get to the bottom where my art time waits. But I have done this far too many times to know that more things get added to the list. It just gets bigger. It becomes harder to get through if I don’t allow myself the creative space of art making.

I have learned to schedule in my art time and give it the importance and recognition it deserves.

When I allow myself the time to indulge in art making for my sole pleasure my creative juices flow. The joy I ream from my creative time spills over to other areas of my life, a bonus I accept with open arms. When we allow the joy in, it expands within us.

Permission is key to this happening.  Without the permission the art expression does not happen.  I sit at my computer, organizing, finding things to do around the house, excuses as to why I can’t start my art.  Conditions I create block me from experiencing my joy.

It is not just the joy of art making that is effected. This applies to all joys.  Whether it is giving yourself permission to have time to express through art making or permission to experience joy in some other way.  We need to give ourselves permission!  Permission to experience the joy we so deserve.  Unconditional joy.  Not as a reward for checking off items on our to-do lists.  Not as a once in a while special treat.

All to often joy is something that we wait for to happen.  We figure if we just do this and that right then the joy will come.  But I say claim it.  Claim that joy, it’s yours to take when ever you want! Are you ready to give yourself the permission? Are you ready to listen to your inner calling to seek out joy?