This post is in response to week one’s prompt by Patti Digh  in A Year With Myself .

I look back on 2011 and see that I have accomplished so much. Starting new adventures on-line such as my new website www.offbeatfamily.com, my revamped website right here at ArtTherapist.ca,  and literally putting my face out there by making parenting videos.  I took so many steps forward that brought me to where I am today and I am proud,  yes proud, but scared too.

The question “What is next?” lingers in my head, as I stand somewhat frozen, unsure how to proceed.  Oh I have many ideas, they are never in shortage. That is not the issue. It is the implementation of them, the getting from A to B, meeting the space between where I am, and where I want to go.  It’s a delicate balance.

Patti Digh  compares it to being a trapeze artist, and I can see why.  It is both exhilarating to me and scary to take that jump ahead, letting go of the safety of what I have accomplished and jumping into the unknown of what is yet to be accomplished.  This is where I falter, where my knees shake with anticipation, excitement and trepidation.  The “what ifs” ringing in my ear.   Their annoying chants prominent thanks to that darn inner critic of mine.  Oh I know, that inner critic serves a purpose, sometimes, but mostly it just interrupts my creative spree and fills me with self-doubt.

And with the self-doubt comes the fear of letting go; letting go of one part of my life which has passed and reaching forward for the next part, the next step.  I realize however it is not that easy.  The space between can sometimes get in the way. If I let it.  It gets in the way if I let it.

What does that mean exactly.  Well in writing this post its meaning became clearer.  The space in between then and when needs to be honored.  It needs to be accepted, and given its rightful “space”.  It is the space in between which gets me to the next place.  Without it there is no moving forward and if I try to skip ahead, something gets missed, and I truly do not move forward, I get stuck.  That is what I realized when looking at the space in between.

Sometimes in my excitement I want to jump ahead full speed ahead and I forget to savor the here, the now, the ever-changing state of myself second by second which brings me to where I am going.   If I miss that step, if I carelessly ignore it and forge ahead with out giving it its due diligence then I am missing the point, I am missing a piece of the picture, I am missing a big part of me NOW.  So if the now is a struggle, accepting this, acknowledging this will allow me to move on.  If the now is quiet, this too is needed.  The lulls too are important, for out of the lulls come new beginnings.

There is always going to be more, there is always going to be something ahead, but if I live in the future I forget myself in the present.  I have a tendency to get all excited about upcoming projects, and that’s okay. But when I become so focused ahead, to the point that I want it to happen now it can be problematic.  If I get upset when I am not there already then it becomes a slippery slope and I run the risk to falling from the trapeze of life.   If I focus too much ahead and forget to pay attention to where I am in the moment that is when I can miss a step.  I must remember that I am  swinging between moments which are forever in motion.

When I look too far ahead I forget to appreciate what is happening right now which can serve as building blocks for future direction.  In honoring myself and where I am, I can know where I need to go.

When I look too far ahead, and feel I want more than what is right now, ,this is when I get myself into trouble, I freeze.  I gather my tools, get excited then freeze because I want to jump ahead but need to take a step in between.  I need to savour where I am and honor that, accept it praise it.  It is after all, all part of the process.

To do this takes trust. Trust I must cultivate in myself and in the process.  Sometimes the need to move forward can get in my way of seeing where I am and in the end where I need to go.

What helps me with this?

1. Practicing mindfulness.
2. Staying grounded in the present.
3. Noticing nature, noticing my family, noticing my breathing.
4. Acceptance: allowing “what is” to unfold before my eyes without expectation also helps, but can be hard to do without 1, 2, & 3

Have you looked at that space in-between, sat with it, accepted it, embraced it?