
When fear takes up too much space
- Home art therapy
- When fear takes up too much space
When fear takes up too much space
One of my biggest blocks to my creativity being unleashed has been the excuse of not enough time. I use to say to myself that I didn’t have any time to do art for myself, I was too busy. Whether it was the kids, feeling tired after work, feeling like I had so many other “more important” things to do, there never seemed to be enough time. These “things” were all just my Fear dressed up as excuses.
When it comes right down to it, there is always time. It’s just what we choose to do with it. If you tell yourself there is not enough time then guess what? There won’t be.
My Fear constructed ways for me to avoid doing my art. My Fear was based on years of feeling like my art had to live up to some preconceived standard. Imagine that: an Art Therapist avoiding painting, ludicrous! While I still did do art, it was just on a smaller scale: art journaling, photography, making things with my kids. Yet inside I longed to paint, paint big and bold.
The Fear was taking up all the space inside me. The Fear was crowding my outer space with thoughts of “not good enough”. There are more important things to do. There is no space for me to create.
And there wasn’t.
The Fear had occupied the space I needed to let loose and express.
Looking back I could have used the Fear the same way it used me, as a vessel for it to grow. I could have painted the Fear. If I gave it it’s own spotlight and space then maybe it would’nt feel the need take up so much space in my mind whenever I contemplated painting.
I could have used the Fear, went with it instead of fighting it. But I didn’t! Instead I started exploring in bits and pieces, fits and starts. I unwittingly became Fear’s accomplice.
Then I took an introduction painting course to get my feet wet. I bought in to the fear that I must paint using a technique if it were to be worthwhile. It served its purpose though, it grew my hunger for expression through paint. But the Fear took control again and I was left with two unfinished paintings, one a self portrait.
Determined to not give up. I continued to look for ways that I could make space inside and out to paint.
It began with rearranging my physicl space. Decluttering and organizing my supplies and buying new supplies I “needed”. It was all part of resetting my mind: if I buy these new supplies I’ll use them ’cause the old ones have been sitting there for how long and haven’t been used. I was beginning to challenging my fear. Facing it head on.
I then set up my space. Of course my fear protested as I expected she would, trying to set up road blocks in my mind. Telling me the lighting wasn’t good enough or this space is not good enough or it should be like a studio otherwise don’t bother.
Then I had an idea, those tool boxes that I had for my workshop art supplies could be used to make any room into a place for painting. Like a portable studio. I set up supplies in different nooks of my house and experimented to see where I created the most and what rooms I utilized the most.
That was the beginning. My story continues. There is no end to all the possibilities for where my creating can take me now.
How about you? Are you ready to face fear head-on so you can get on with your creative life?
Painting WIth Your Muse the e-course is open for registration. Sign up now and save with my Early-Bird discount. Invite your painting Fear(s) if you like. Who knows what your Fear might teach you.
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