Photo credit Alexi Adamidis

After participating in a two day mindfulness training the other week I’ve been approaching my mounting biking with a different perspective.

Mountain biking season is upon us and these last few weeks I have been getting out on mountain biking trials with my family. Yesterday I was riding with my son, who at 12 is fearless on the winding root filled and steep downhill paths. I follow behind him hesitantly, nervous, monkey mind telling me stories that haven’t happened but might happen. Monkey mind interfering with my trying something for fear that I will fail. I stop get off my bike and walk it over logs/uphill roots or quick steep curvy downhill parts of the pathway. Not all of them but enough of them that it begins to confirm in my mind that I can NOT do it. Even though I know I have the strength. Even though I know that there have been times – perhaps last season when I made it through similar difficult paths.

So why then do I hesitate? Why then do I believe that I can’t do it? Why then do I stop before even trying, giving up and resolving that I will fail?

On the long weekend my son invited me to go for a mountain bike ride on the Friday and Saturday. The first round I let my mind interfere with the flow. I blame the roots, my tiredness, my age. Excuses to give up on parts before trying. My son and husband wait ahead patiently as I walk parts. I’m doing more of the trail than I did last week without getting off my bike. Something about familiarity? Or maybe just practice. The more I do it the easier it gets to bypass my meddling mind. Day 2, my son and I do the trial alone. He’s fast, fearless. The only time I catch him is going uphill on certain parts – I’m still stronger. Yet mostly he is ahead of me, my mind holds me back. We are nearing the end and like a true child embracing each moment he suggests that we do an extra uphill loop to lengthen the ride since he knows I will not be riding this path back (I choose the easier path down below with no sudden turns and steep declines). I agree to this not sure what I am agreeing to. The first part is uphill, which I like and he doesn’t “ I like the downhill” he says. He knows I like the uphill but not the downhill. We both are stepping a little out of our comfort zone. Nothing like a little discomfort to keep you focused and in the present.

Photo credit Alexi Adamidis

When we are at the end we head back on the easier trail. He puts me in front so that he doesn’t go “too fast”. From behind he coaches me: “go fast through this part”. And then:” you know mommy you need to go the hard route on the way back next time so that you get use to it”. Indeed I do. I need to conquer my fears after all it’s the same path I already rode on (for the most part with less getting off). It would give me the opportunity to see and try the path from a different perspective.

So back to my earlier questions:

Why then do I hesitate? Why then do I believe that I can’t do it? Why then do I stop before even trying, giving up and resolving that I will fail?

Hesitation happens when we don’t trust either the situation or ourselves. In this case I was having a hard time trusting that I could do it- not because of experience, (though that can sometimes play into it) but more due to my distracting thoughts – unhelpful messages that kept visiting and interrupting my flow. We all do this from time to time, whether it is trying something new or unfamiliar, or perhaps even something we have done before but are out of practice doing. Monkey mind can really interfere and wreak havoc on our self confidence. This is something that I hear a lot about from those I work with: they will give up before even trying because they are convinced that they can’t do it:
I can’t paint
I can’t fit in the time for art making
I don’t know how to express myself through art
…..
You get the picture. Thoughts of I can’t become blockers to self-expression and creativity. They hold us back. What if however we reminded ourselves that theses are just thoughts. They don’t become real until we let them. And each time we listen to these “I can’t” thoughts as if they are fact we let them come true. And when we let them come true, we reinforce that they are in fact true. But if and when we challenge them by doing instead of not doing or ignoring instead of getting pulled by these unhelpful thoughts, then we discover a different part of our selves and experience more confidence and own our strengths and abilities.

Are you ready to own yours?

Here’s a tip I was reminded of at a workshop on mindfulness this past week: thoughts can sometimes be sticky. They follow us around when we pay a lot of attention to them. Telling them to go away only reinforces this focus and attention. Instead try acknowledging the thought, perhaps even giving it a name like the “ I can’t monster” . Then let it go. Don’t ban it, say hi if you need to but you don’t need to hang out with it. Give yourself another thought even if it is just acknowledging that this thought is there. The thought being there does not make it true. A thought is just a thought, it is not reality. No need to judge yourself for thinking it. Instead why not practice self compassion by giving yourself what you need to hear. What words would be like a hug to you in that moment?

Developing a creative practice to me is developing mindfulness but so much more. Our unique voice becomes uncovered and heard. Our confidence in Self becomes strengthened. Many paths are opened up within and without through creative journey.