Every time there is change; change of season, taking on something new, or things turning out differently than expected, I am reminded to appreciate what I have, have done, have received, have invited into my life. I don’t always feel it right away, often I feel trepidation when change approaches.

The change in seasons really brings this to the forefront, physically forcing me to accept change, afterall resistance is futile. I either dress warmer or feel the cold. It is the same when we take on new creative projects, stretch out of our comfort zone taking risks. Each step away from the usual path opens me to a new discovery.

This has been going on a lot for me lately, sending me on a bit of an emotional roller coaster as I adjust my expectations of myself to welcome new adventures.

Change in season signals to me a time to reflect on inner change, reflecting on what has grown in me this year and what has been harvested. Still there are so many things I want to work on, create and release in to the world. But I am coming to terms with the idea that I will always have new things I want to work on, new things to learn about the world and myself.

Sometimes I kid myself  into thinking if only I get through that list, just one more thing then I’ll be closer to – to finishing as if this list is the only list with a finite number of things to check off. But then I remember that as long as I am moving forward the list is endless.  For as I check off one item another intriguing item shows up, enticing me to strive for something else. There is always something new to add-on. As it should be. For otherwise it means I have stopped growing, or have become complacent in what I do. That I do not want.

There will always be something new ahead. I can either face it with curiosity or flee and never know what might be.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that I want to accomplish and it is within these fleeting moments I forget what I have already accomplished and what I already have in my life. And so the focus shifts back and forth, sometimes tipping more toward where I want to go, while other times clinging to where I am, uneasy about stepping forward.

It is a never-ending balancing act. Easy enough to overlook what’s already there to be grateful for when looking on a list of what “needs” to be done. Easy enough to become lost in fear of the unknown when looking forward.

Yet when I allow myself to balance both sides, what I have achieved with what I wish to achieve, I feel nourished.

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