Conversations with my Muse
When I am painting I am lost in a different world. An inner world. A world of adventure, excitement and confronting my fears.
The colours splash vividly on the paper, transforming inner conversations and shaping them before my eyes.
Often the unexpected is unveiled. At first I look away in disbelief. That’s not mine! I didn’t paint that, did I?
Once the realization dawns on me that it is indeed mine, of me, my inner critic steps in to chastise me “You can’t paint that!”.
But it is not truth that is speaking, no, these words are fueled by fear. Fear that if I admit that it came from inside of me, that I will expose my vulnerable side or worse the side of myself I perceive as “ugly”, unacceptable and perhaps a little too wild.
I look at the images and make all sorts of judgments based on what I fear others will think of my painting and in the end of me. This is my downfall: this judgement disguised as introspection. I look away for fear of what might be hidden. What truths undiscovered that I need to face.
Just when I am about to stop painting, to stop this unraveling of the unknown, a gentle but vibrant voice sings to me “Look at it. Look again”. I turn slowly toward the painting and look once more. Still uncomfortable, but this time a feeling of curiosity is aroused in me. Where did that image come from? “Inside of course” says the voice. I recognize the voice at once to be none other than my inner muse. Her words comfort me as I hear them.
I realize then that it doesn’t matter where the images came from. They are here and that is all that matters. They are here. I except these gifts; quirky, shocking, foreboding silly or not. Their presence shifts me to a new awareness. Explanation unnecessary.
The next round of online Painting with Your Muse begins September 22, 2012. 
If you are in or around the Toronto area join me for an in person Painting with Your Muse Workshop on August 11th in downtown Toronto! All materials will be provided. 