Working with young children I am always amazed at how resilient they can be.  Many of them have developed amazing coping skills when it comes to dealing with the struggles that life presents to them.  Sometimes they outgrow these ways of coping but continue the behaviour which later becomes problematic for others and in turn them.

We are not so different from children.  We have all developed coping skills to deal with life’s dramas. Many of us have survived an insurmountable amount of pain, and loss. Yet we are still here, sometimes kicking and screaming, but still here just the same.  We are strong.  We are here.

But it goes beyond survival. In fact if we take a look at ourselves we will begin to recognize the ways that we are resilient as well.

What is it that makes one resilient?  Is it love? Hope? Determination? Is it learned or an innate trait built-in for survival.  How does one foster resilience? What can we put in place to ensure that we can count on our own resilience to see us through the next challenge?

So many questions, but you know what? You have the answers inside.

Each of us has our own ways of coping with stress and struggles that present themselves to us. I believe some are learned from childhood and some as new challenges come up. Some are instinctual, and some are by choice.

How often do we stop and look at the way we cope and whether it is working for us.  Many people, myself included find that they cope with stress by trying to ignore it, keeping ourselves distracted.

It’s not until we stop for a vacation that we begin to come down with something, feel sick.  We finally get the time to give ourselves the rest that our body so desperately has been asking for and it decides to seal the deal.  “I’m not going to be cheated out of this rest! I’m going to make you rest!” insists our body. And so it does, as we spend our vacation nursing a cold.

Does this sound familiar?  Luckily this has not happened to me for some years now, but it is an example of how we can cope with things in perhaps not the healthiest of ways.

So how do we change these coping strategies to healthier more helpful ways of dealing?

1. Well first we have to identify our stressors. It helps to know what kinds of things get on your nerves.  I know, you are probably thinking that you know this already but it really helps to have a list because what you are likely to find is that you may cope with each thing differently.  It helps to have a visual.
2. Now you are ready to look at how you respond to your stressors or difficult situations. These are your coping strategies.
3. At this point it’s important to look at whether your responses or “coping strategies” are actually helping or hindering.  You may need to break it down into short-term outcome and long-term outcome. List those strategies that are helping in the long run separate from those which make matters worse down the line.

Visualizing Resilience: